Have you ever wondered why some couples are so happy? How do they keep the romance alive?
Marriage expert Dr. John Gottman has been studying couples for more than four decades. He said the secret is found in a concept he calls, “Turning Towards.”
This concept is based on research studying thousands of young couples, then following up with them 20 years later. Researchers separated the couples into two groups: 1) those who were still happily married and 2) those who were unhappily married or divorced.
When they went back to look at the data of the young couples, they found that the happy couples had a habit of “turning towards” each other emotionally, mentally and physically. The Gottman Institutes now provides Gottman trainings for couples counselors, teaching them the full and ongoing research on relationships.
In this article, we outline six “Turning Towards” habits of happy couples.
- They Go To Bed At The Same Time.
Couples who have great chemistry go to bed simultaneously. These couples engage in pillow talk, sharing their feelings and their daily happening. Getting ready for bed and falling asleep together will strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
- They Hold Hands.
Holding hands is a sign of affection and a great way to physically “Turn Towards.” Couples signify their love and support to each other by walking hand-in-hand. They hold hands while watching a movie, walking through a supermarket or simply hanging out at a park.
The gesture heightens awareness of each other and deepens their connection, and there is a large body of research to back up this claim. Studies of adults and children show human touch is instrumental to one’s physical, mental and social development.
- They Hug When They Come Home From Work.
Successful couples make the time to greet each other after a long day at work. This physical connection leads to mental and emotional connection. Moreover, it leads to conversation.
The simple question of “How was your day?” becomes more genuine and meaningful when combined with a hug. The behavior can burn the stress and rejuvenate the soul after the hustle and bustle of the day.
Human contact, such as a hug, releases oxytocin, knowns as the “cuddle hormone.” Scientists believe this hormone reinforces social and family bonding.
- They Send Loving Text Messages.
No matter how busy they are, couples who truly care for each other take two minutes out of their busy schedules to send a loving message to their partner. This gesture helps to enhance their partnership and maintains the romance between them.
- They Attend Couple Counseling.
Couples counseling is not just about repairing ruined relationships. The happiest of couples also attend couples counseling. Seek couples, also known as relationship, counseling from a licensed couple counselor who is certified in Gottman Method training.
Relationship therapists help couples learn how to process their feelings and cope with life-changing events. Couples counseling is a sign that you value your most important relationship.
- They Start Their Day By Saying, “I love you” and “Have a good day.”
Loving and caring statements should be part of your daily ritual of connection. Dr. Gottman suggests couples do a six-second kiss (a “kiss with potential”) before leaving the house or when coming home.
Think about it. Those words and a kiss will you give your partner enough good juju vibes to brush off traffic jams, office stress and other annoying situations.
Research has showed that couples who have long, happy, stable relationships do the little things to “Turn Towards” each other. Try doing these little things and watch how your relationship transforms into something better.
Sunny Skousen is an experienced writer who has over 20 years of experience in ghostwriting, blogging, journalism, speech writing, and content marketing. She specializes in writing about Couples Therapy, Family Therapy, Faith-Based Counseling, Anxiety Disorders, Mood Disorders, Grief/Loss and Trauma, Supervision and Consultation, and more!